Last night I was having a chasing dream, and as I reached the outside door of a building I was trying to escape from, I was confronted by a couple of big tough guys who were guarding the exit. I asked them to let me by, and they said no fucking way.

So I thought about it for a moment, and I said, "Dude, tell you what. I bet I'm way more hung than either of you two. Let's have a dick-measuring contest, and if I'm bigger than you I get to go through." I went for my zipper.

They agreed, telling me yeah, right, there was no way I was bigger than them. So I unzipped and brought it out, and so did they, and I could see there was no way I was going to win. One of the guys, the one with the beard, was enormous, and the other guy was even bigger, surprising even his friend. "Whoa, is that real?" "Course it's fucking real."

I zipped up my jeans, shaking my head and still looking them over, as they stood there looking pleased with themselves. "Wow, I thought I was big, but that's just amazing. You guys are incredible." Then I slipped out the door, leaving the tough guys unable to pursue me onto the street, because their huge dicks were hanging out of their unzipped pants.