"I must regretfully inform you that Hollywood Boulevard is just a street. I know what the old tales describe, and understand we were all under the impression that magic took place there, that it was glorious beyond reasoning, a palace of delights. But I have been there, and it would appear, unfortunately, that it is just a place. A somewhat run-down, touristy, advertisement-plastered commercial zone. I have scrutinized it rather closely with an eye to detecting miracles and glory, and the conclusion I must draw is that there is nothing to distinguish it from the aging but halfheartedly renovated downtown shopping district of any major American city. I did not witness anyone being 'discovered' by a Hollywood movie producer, nor were any motion picture cameras in evidence, nor were celebrities in abundance. I myself was not invited to be an extra in a movie. The stores sell the same merchandise sold in downtowns and shopping malls all over America.

"The sidewalks were, as the legends say, embossed with stars and the names of celebrities; but the stars on the 'Walk of Fame' are worn, dull brass, the names are largely forgotten, and we have seen the same sort of embellishment on the aisles of supermarkets, making mention of breakfast cereal and soft drinks. There are many more hamburger wrappers and crushed plastic bottles than monuments. Mann's Chinese Theatre is in poor upkeep, and seen to be rather small, dwarfed by even the smallest commercial structures, when not viewed through a wide-angle lens. Again, no celebrities were in evidence, but there was a mime. On a brighter note, I am pleased to inform you that Frederick's of Hollywood is as frankly sleazy as we have been led to believe.

"I know all this will come as a shock, and your incredulity is understandable in light of all previous indications of the nature of Hollywood. I appeal to your rationality and ask you to inform others of this discovery. Thank you."