I think I might be incapable of love. Even more worrying, I seem to be incapable of sustaining hate. I'll feel a loathing flash over me when I think about certain people, but mostly I make systematic arrangements to not interact with them, and then I forget them. But this isn't case-specific; I avoid everyone. I'll do what is necessary to complete the transaction, whether it's me buying something at a store or a neighbor starting casual conversation with me, do the calculus which tells me how to escape, and then leave and rarely look back, except to consider if I might have caused offense. That's the interesting feature of my behavior; I seem to care if I've hurt anyone or not.

This morning I had a dream where I was writing, and looking for the words to describe a scene in which the protagonist suddenly appeared on a dirt road in a frost-covered field in the wilderness at twilight. And I thought, what a perfect metaphor for my life.